


1.31 am

by melodious (pen_light)



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, A LOT of Angst, Angst, Death, M/M, One Shot, Song fic, im sorry, this is very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 14:56:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7467954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pen_light/pseuds/melodious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>clocks tick by, but for some reason they always stopped at that very time of 1:31 am</p>
            </blockquote>





	1.31 am

**Author's Note:**

> hey there  
> i wrote this after 1.31 am was first sung and well here it is  
> enjoy :)

**_i will search for your trace_ **

I remember the first time I met you Jaebum hyung. I remember it very well.

It was during the long, tiring, trainee days, where dreams were strived for but crushed constantly by the piercing words of the strict, harsh trainers.

I remember this well.

It was after my second audition that I was accepted into the facility, and not long after, placed in a group about the debut. I may have been training for only a few months, how much, I do not recall, for only the imprint of the loneliness and distance from the others glares over that time period in my maze of a mind.

When I was introduced, most of the group was already formed, and from the looks of it, you all were pretty close, friendly, _familiar_ with each other.

And there I was, a lone stranger bursting that bubble of security that held you all together.

The tension in the air wasn't comfortable, it was anxious, it was gnawing, it was _suffocating_.

And so I decided to stay away from everyone, to keep my distance, to just pretend as if I didn't exist that way nothing would change.

I'd run away from the lunches, dinners, and the moments we were rarely granted to spend our time on our own together.

Even in that bedroom that we shared, I'd pretend to be asleep (most of the times I was actually asleep), pressed up against the wall to allow you the most space, and not bother you anymore.

I remember you sighing every time, dropping, the weight of your large figure shaking the floor, startling me as I tried not to flinch every time.

But I did. And I didn't think you'd notice, so I wasn't entirely bothered by it.

(You most probably did since after a few months you'd kneel down instead of simply plopping)

It was a nice _routine_. That's what it was, a routine for me. A robotic series of events that my body had committed to memory. It was simple, not too complicated, and I was lost in the current of the river of my ways to notice the efforts people were making towards me, trying to lift me from the ditch I had, myself, created.

But then, that fateful day occurred.

We were in the process of recording our 'Girls Girls Girls' track. Everyone had gone, and I was left.

JYP PDnim, having named me as the Main Vocal, held his expectations high, but I, as a small, frail, naïve boy just diving into the new world of stardom, was unable to provide and satisfy those standards.

As a result, the obvious happened, and I was reprimanded, yelled at for my faults.

And that was the reason for me to be on the rooftop of the building, head buried in my knees which were desperately held to my chest in my feeble attempts to shut out the world, disappear completely.

You found me there hyung, how, I'm not sure.

But you didn't speak.

You didn't do anything.

You just came and sat down next to me in silence, unmoving.

And I looked up curiously, wondering why you even bothered to come up when you weren't even going to do anything.

Your worried filled eyes met with mine, and although your body language spoke of indifference, you had let down your walls through your eyes, inviting me into your world.

You then spoke, retelling your stories of your own days. You told me about the first few months. You told me about JJ Project and the ups and downs. You told me about your fears because of the project, and your anxiety about our success.

When you were done, we were left staring at each other, and, to my amazement, you looked at me and knew that I understood.

I tried to speak, but I found myself speechless. For after listening to you I was left baffled at myself, cursing at myself inwardly for my stupidity.

You were amused hyung, and we spent the rest of the time taking turns telling stories, from happy to sad to funny, anything to pass time together.

At that moment you became my favorite person in the world, hyung.

**_i am still at the same place, i will never leave_ **

Our late night escapdees didn't just stop there, and it became our thing to do. My old routine had been replaced with another one, one with you in it at the wee hours of the morning.

And hyung, every time I'd remember those times, I can remember my eyes catching a glimpse of the forgotten hands of time ticking away, freezing precisely at that very moment constantly in front of my eyes, remaining that way throughout our years together.

I don't ever recall when I fell for you hyung. I don't recall when my feelings of comfort and familiarity were replaced with love.

But it made me never want to leave your side.

It made me want to always be with you for I couldn't bear to spend even a minute without you.

And so I showed my affection in caring for you as you did for me. It brought us even closer.

And I thought we were **_forever_**.

**_if things get difficult, you can always come back_ **

Now here I am Hyung.

Alone.

Can you see me?

Can you hear me?

Hyung, I'm standing in front of over 8 thousand people.

Hyung, I'm scared. I want to run away, go back to bed and hide.

Are you proud? I'm standing here, just like we were supposed to together.

Hyung, I'm singing our song, just like we were supposed to together.

Do you remember? We were together as always, but this time not in our room but the studio. You were adamant as always to write something, anything that day.

You never did technically since the composition was made after midnight.

I remember sitting at that desk, side by side, you with your beloved notebook and me with the small, hooked to the computer piano.

I remember us singing, nonstop, our lyrics and melodies perfectly intertwined.

I remember hyung.

Do you?

It was the most beautiful moment in my life.

And then, shortly after, things picked up for us, for Got7. Our new 'Fly' comeback awarded us greatly.

Our personal touches had won us recognition, and it felt good to make many proud. (Sometimes I think that we could've made it big like this if we produced our own pieces long before this time. But what was done was done, and it's not like we could change the past.)

Awards after awards, we won 5 trophies for our name.

I remember you trying to not to cry hyung.

But I did. Even though you laughed, you never left my side that night, even making the effort to walk to me on stage and give me comfort.

You were there for me.

Thank you.

**_you need to be well, never be sick_ **

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end and you were taken down by the form of an injury, stopping you from performing with us, dooming you to bed rest.

We thought the only thing needed was rest.

The doctors thought the surgery wasn't needed.

You thought you were okay.

We were all wrong.

Days passed by, and our concert grew closer. You weren't getting better.

I tried not to cry when I'd spend those late hours with you again.

You were looking worse day by day.

With your eye smile, you told me to not be sad. You said you were strong. You said that this wasn't going to stop you, that this couldn't stop you.

You promised you would stay.

And I believed you.

You promised you would get better.

And I believed you.

**_relying on each other was everything_ **

But hyung as I sat by your side that night, I knew those were lies laced in the form of pretty, illusion words meant to distract me from reality.

You tried again that night, to spin a web of false truths in order to catch and detain me, protecting me from the grim future.

And I wanted to believe you.

Oh how much I wanted to believe you.

But I saw through it all.

I told, no, I vowed to myself then I wouldn't ever cry. I told myself to stay strong like you had done for me countless times.

I didn't cry then, hyung.

**_i cannot believe it, the fact that you're no longer next to me_ **

But here, onstage, with a single chair dedicated to you to which I couldn't bear to show my face, as I played the piano, stringing out the tune of our song, our story, another promise was broken.

I cried.

Our beautiful song was left incomplete with a shorthand apology because I couldn't keep my sad, pitiful tears within me.

I'm sorry hyung.

I didn't mean to be such a disappointment.

But I've always had you to be my anchor, to be the ropes that reigned me in. You were my rock, and without you the rapids of the rivers were just dragging me violently to and fro, with no direction, no destination in mind.

**_but because i didn't have you, i couldn't do anything_ **

Where are you hyung?

Why aren't you here hyung?

Do you know? They love it. The fans love our song. 

I should be happy.

We should be happy.

These should be tears of happiness.

But how?

Tell me hyung, how?

I should be happy _with you._

We should be happy _together._

These should be _shared_ tears of happiness.

How am I to be happy when the very thought of you sends me into a barreling fall down an abyss?

How can I stay happy onstage when the song we wrote out of love digs, twists, and stabs deeper the knife edged within my fragile heart?

How?

For hyung, you left.

Just like always, that night you were never aware of the time.

But I was.

I knew exactly when you left.

And ironically you ended up naming the song of ours after I had told you of the time.

The same time as always.

And yet hyung, during those last moments, when I was frantically trying to keep you awake, you didn't even spare a glance at anything else, at all the things you were leaving.

You were just staring at me, and my puffed up, distorted, unappealing face that you found some form of unbelievable perfection in.

You thought I was perfect.

That's what you told me as your pale face stared at mine.

Hyung, you told me you loved me.

Those were the last words that rung through my head.

(They still echo in my head right now.)

I guess maybe that's why you never noticed anything around you.

But hyung I noticed.

I was aware of you, of everything.

And hyung, what was supposed to kindle a fire in my heart, broke it.

For that song that I sung in front of all those people and the moment you passed away, breaking my heart, ripping my soul from my body, and all those sacred moments we shared daily until the very last one share the most unbelievable, heart wrenching fact in common.

The thing that I always noticed.

The thing that stopped for us infinitely for some reason, like that was our hour, our minute, our second.

Hyung, how could you not have known?

Hyung, it was the **_time_**.

**_1:31 am_ **

It was always 1:31 am when we were together.

It was 1:31 am when we wrote that song.

It was 1:31 am when you left.

And funnily enough, as I look at the clock now, hours after the concert, it seems like the fateful hands will strike their position once again.

**_i will wait for you_ **

I can't bear it anymore, not without you.

But hyung don't worry. This time, I won't be alone.

Hyung, please wait.

I said that I'll be waiting the other day, on our first concert day, but I don't think I can.

I'm sorry.

Hyung, don't you worry.

It's just 1:24.

Just wait 7 more minutes.

Then no more waiting.

Hyung I'm coming to you, to complete _us_.

We will be together again.

Just like always.

Our routine can't be broken.

We can't be broken.

**_i can't forget you_ **

Hyung, it's only a few more minutes.

 

Wait for me at the end of the tunnel.

 

I promise I won't be late.

 

I promise to be right on time.

 

 

 

At 1:31 am. 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope so enjoyed it  
> ill be back with more of my stories ive written and updates im writing as soon as my other commitments clear up oh god why do i do this to myself


End file.
